I love my life, I love my husband, I love my baby, I love my family, I love my friends and I love my fledgling down-in-the-trenches-with-the-other-new-mummy friendships. But holy shit I’m so bored sometimes.
It’s not the sitting around twiddling my thumbs kind of boredom. I wish I had the time honey! It’s the monotonous treadmill-like boredom that is the endless routine of caring for another human being 24 hours a day and having zero time for myself. Now don’t get me wrong, I think my son is God like and unmatched in his glorious wonderfulness – he is without doubt the best thing that’s happened to this desperately wobbly woman. But STILL, cleaning his neck cheese, feeding him, entertaining him and trying not to eat my own eyes with the moaning, lets face it, is not that interesting all of the time!!! I long for distraction, scandal, something to get excited about other than how many poos were done in a day! I just hadn’t prepared myself for this aspect of motherhood.
It’s something I need to address as my son
really is rather bloody awesome and I don’t want to give him a bad rep so early
on! So, on the evenings I’m not melting
from brain numbness, I’m going to take advantage of this newfound 7pm bedtime
routine and do something other than exhaustedly watching Coronation Street
while drinking Baileys*. Henceforth you
are presented with some motherhood discoveries.
It’s not the sitting around twiddling my thumbs kind of boredom. I wish I had the time honey! It’s the monotonous treadmill-like boredom that is the endless routine of caring for another human being 24 hours a day and having zero time for myself. Now don’t get me wrong, I think my son is God like and unmatched in his glorious wonderfulness – he is without doubt the best thing that’s happened to this desperately wobbly woman. But STILL, cleaning his neck cheese, feeding him, entertaining him and trying not to eat my own eyes with the moaning, lets face it, is not that interesting all of the time!!! I long for distraction, scandal, something to get excited about other than how many poos were done in a day! I just hadn’t prepared myself
You can’t win, so
don’t try.
No matter what you decide re feeding, sleeping, clothing, bathing or travelling with your baby, someone will be doing the opposite. There will be opinions. Big, shouty OPINIONS about how what you’re doing is so SO wrong and very VERY dangerous. Your baby is too hot, too cold, too loud, too quiet, too clingy, too demanding, too whiney, too hungry, too fat, too lazy, too distant or too needy. Watch out Moms!!! Your tiny baby is manipulating you!!! Clever clever babies who haven’t yet figured out how to wipe their own arses are as we speak, Stewie like, pouring over graphs deciphering how best to get what they want out of their weak, guileless mommies.
Bastards!!! I find myself still looking for reassurance
from others about how what I’m doing is OK, and the vast majority of the time,
all I get is wonderful support and encouragement. But of course, like a bad review, it’s the
dodgy comments you remember, ruminate on, have arguments in the mirror about
before attempting outrage then finally descending into defeated, needy
tears. So, like Arnold Schwarzenegger
says, ignore the bad reviews and feck the feckers who are judging you. At least that’s what I imagine someone who
rose to the top in three careers while still being a bit of a shit in real life
yet we love him anyway would say.
No matter what you decide re feeding, sleeping, clothing, bathing or travelling with your baby, someone will be doing the opposite. There will be opinions. Big, shouty OPINIONS about how what you’re doing is so SO wrong and very VERY dangerous. Your baby is too hot, too cold, too loud, too quiet, too clingy, too demanding, too whiney, too hungry, too fat, too lazy, too distant or too needy. Watch out Moms!!! Your tiny baby is manipulating you!!! Clever clever babies who haven’t yet figured out how to wipe their own arses are as we speak, Stewie like, pouring over graphs deciphering how best to get what they want out of their weak, guileless mommies.
Something will tip
you over the edge.
Your entire life
is now ‘Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade’
Wait… whats that noise?... It’s the middle of the night… NO! You’ve pushed it too far… You’ve dared to TELL SOMEONE that baby slept through the night and didn’t cry once…. 1am : Waaaah. 3am : Waaaaaah. 5am : Waaaaaah. 6am : MORNING MOMMY, Waaaaah! That’s right, everything starts crumbling and tumbling down all around you. Everything you have learned on this journey is redundant, over, caput. Baby is starting a new story, a new leap, he’s rolling, soon to be crawling and soon to be walking. It’s a whole new ballgame. Let's just hope it’s not as crap and alien riddled as the last Indiana Jones movie was...
*I reserve the right to watch Coronation Street while drinking Baileys at least once a week. Sometimes you need to numb your brain with adult mush as well as baby mush.
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